The Moronic Misadventures of Patrick-Man!
by TheAstonishingCreator
Summary: "With Neptune swiftness... AWAY!"
1. Patrick Man vs Dennis!

**One week after Spongebob Squarepants season 9 episode 2("Patrick-Man!")**

"With Neptune swiftness, AWAY!" Patrick shouted as he jumped from the Krusty Krab, thinking that he could fly. After a week of thinking, Patrick has- "That's Patrick- ** _MAN_** to you!" _ahem_. Patrick- ** _Man_** , has decided to dawn the cape once more. And though he has absolutly no powers, he is still convinced that he does ( _what an idiot_ ). Now, back to the story: Patrick jumped from the Krusty Krab, thinking he could fly. But of course, he couldn't, and he faceplanted in front of the Krusty Krab, right in front of Spongebob.

"OH MY GOSH PATRICK ARE YOU OKAY!?" Spongebob cries, worried for his best friend. Spongebob lifts Patrick- _Man_ 's head off the ground, revealing Patrick's face, some teeth scattered on the ground.

"Duoy!" Patrick replies idioticly. Patrick shakes his head, reminding himself of what he was just doing.

"That's Patrick-Man to you Spongebob. And of course I'm okay! I can fly remember!"

"Uh... Patrick- I mean Patrick-Man," Spongebob replied with a wink, "You can't fly."

" _*sigh*_ Some people just don't get it. I'm a superhero! Superheroes have powers!" Patrick said sternly. "And I just happen to have been lucky enough to get the power of flight!" Patrick got up, walking over to the Krusty Krab and climbing on top of it again, "Watch this." Once he was on top of the Krusty Krab, he prepared himself to jump.

"PATRICK NO!" Spongebob screamed. Though nothing could convince Patrick that he couldn't fly.

"With Neptune swiftness.. AWAY!" Patrick shouts, jumping off the Krusty Krab once again.

Spongebob put his hands on his head, obviously terrified, "PATRICK!" Spongebob quickly ran inside, grabbing a huge box of buns and placing it where Patrick would fall. But he placed the box in the wrong spot, and Patrick-Man faceplants again. "PATRICK!" SPongebob ran over to Patrick-Man with great speed.

"See! Flying!" Patrick says, not proving his point any further. "Now if you don't mind Spongebob, I'm gonna go save the city!" and with that, Patrick runs off into the night, to save the city.

"Uh, Patrick. The city's that way." Spongebob corrects his friend. Patrick turns around, running towards the city...

* * *

Right off the bat, Patrick-Man spots a crime in progress. And the criminal was none other than... _Dennis_? Oh, wait. This happens before the Spongebob Movie.

"Aha!" Patrick-Man shouts, giving away his location. Dennis turns around.

"Who the barnacles are you!?" Dennis asks, "Oh who cares. I'm gonna crush you anyways!" Dennis runs over to Patrick-Man, holding up his leg. Spikes emerge out of his boots, and they were HUGE!

"HOLY TARTER SAUCE THAT'S A BIG BOOT!" Patrick-Man shouts. Just as Dennis was about to stomp on Patrick-Man with his spiky boot, Patrick-Man holds up his arm, revealing his DISGUSTING arm pit. "TASTE PIT, EVIL-DOER!" Suddenly, a huge fist of stink emerges from Patrick-Man's arm pit, punching Dennis back into a dumpster at high speeds. Dennis gets up. Patrick-Man runs over with great speed, throwing waffle cones towards Dennis. Dennis just grabbed them, smashing them in his hand with no effort. Patrick-Man ran over to Dennis. But Dennis upper-cut him, knocking him back into pole. As Patrick Man got up, Dennis approached him. Patrick-Man grabs a pair of donut-cuffs out of his pants, throwing them at Dennis. Surprisingly and conveniently, the donut-cuffs landed right on Dennis' hands, trapping him.

"What!? NOOO!" Dennis angrily yelled in the realization that he was trapped.

"Okay, now I'm gonna tell on you!" Patrick-Man says, pulling out a walkie-talkie and using it to... call the police?

 **The end...**


	2. Attack of the Pickle Bandit!

Patrick-Man sits in the Krusty Krab, eating a Deluxey Double-Triple Krusty Krabby Patty Special XXXXL Deluxe, with extra pickles, mustard, mayonaise and ketchup. But just as he is about to take his first bite out of the burger, he noticed a chilling site... no... pickles!

"No... OH NO!" Patrick yells. An as he does, a worried Spongebob shoves the door open, causing it to his Squidward's face.

Spongebob runs over to Patrick, "Patrick, what's wrong?" he asks, biting his nails.

"Are you the fry-cook of this establishment?" Patrick responds.

"Uh, Patrick. you know I'm the fry-cook. Why do you ask?"

"You are hearby under arrest! For forgetting to put pickles in my burger!" Patrick grabs a pair of donut-cuffs from his pants, securing them around Spongebob's arms.

"Wait! I didn't forget the pickles! I remember making that order!" Spongebob pleads, "Someone must have stolen your pickles!" and just as Spongebob says that, the door bursts open again, hitting Squidward in the face once again!

" _AHAHAHAHAHAHA_! I stole your pickles!" Bubblebass says. He wears a yellow costume, black boots and a circle in the middle with the letters P and B inside. His underwear were on the outside, just like most superheroes in Bikini Bottom, black goggles and a blue cape. And he was wearing a top hat.

"Who in the name of tartar sauce are you!?" Patrick asks.

"I... am the PICKLE BANDIT!" Bubblebass replies.

"Hey... I thought you were Bubblebass?" Patrick says.

"Not anymore, _fool_!" ad with that the battle commeses. Bubblebass throws pickles at Patrick, who eats them. "HA! Those pickles are explosive you idiot!"

"Huh?" Patrick burps, smoke coming out of his mouth. "Ooo, spicy pickles." Patrick says.

Bubblebass stares at him, eyes widened, "What the..."

"Alright. Now taste my mighty, PIT PUNCH!" Patrick raised his arm, releasing a pit punch that zoomed towards Bubblebass. But all it did when it hit Bubblebass' stomach was bounce off of it, backfiring and hitting Spongebob. Patrick looked back at Spongebob, who crashed into the wall, "You're a tough one, aren't you, Pickle Bandit. But Patrick Man will NEVER give up!" Patrick jumps on a table, avoiding incoming pickles. Patrick climbed back down, picking up the table. Patrick threw the table at Bubblebass, only for it to break on impact.

"There's no stopping me, Patrick-Man! AHAHA *inhales loudly* AHAHA *inhales loudly* HAHAHA!" Bubblebass laughs. And as he continues to laugh disgustingly, Patrick grabs his Deluxey Double-Triple Krusty Krabby Patty Special XXXXL Deluxe, with extra pickles, mustard, mayonaise and ketchup, and throws it. The massive burger lands in Bubblebass' mouth, choking him. Bubblebas tried to swallow, but the burger was not only too big, but it also had his not so secret weakness inside... no. pickles. "Oh no! Not my weakness! AAAH!" he screams. And the power of the no pickled burger causes him to fall into a kneel. Once the effects of the burger suddenly go away, Bubblebass is too weak to get up.

Patrick approaches the now downed "Pickle Bandit", "You are under arrest. For pickle theft." Patrick says, holding out a pair of donut-cuffs.

"Aw, man!"


	3. EVIL ATTACKS! (The last chapter)

Patrick-Man returns home to end the day with a daily dose of nothing. After stepping inside and shutting the rock behind him, Patrick changes out of his costume, and into nothing but his underwear. Patrick plopped himself on the sand recliner in front of the TV, which was playing a rerun marathon of the entire Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy series.

"Haha." Patrick laughed as he saw a coconut fall on Barnacle Boy's head. After a few seconds, Patrick got up to get some milk. After grabbing a carton of milk, he sat back down in his chair. Patrick gulped down the milk, passing out a few minutes later...

 **...**

"Patrick." "PATRICK!" Patrick woke up to find Spongebob in his face, a terrified expression on his face.

"Spongebob?" Patrick asked.

"Patrick! We need you (Well, actually, we need Patrick-Man)." Spongebob replied.

"Wha- why?"

"Supervillains have taken over the city!" Spongebob answered.

"Well why doesn't the IJLSA just fight them?"

"Patrick, the IJLSA diverged years ago. And besides, their too old to fight this many supervillains.

"Well then, I better get my suit on quick... With Neptune swiftness, AWAY!" Patrick shouts. _*Montage of Patrick putting on his costume (and Spongebob putting on his), while Eye of the Tiger plays*_

"Alright Patrick, now let's go save Bikini Bottom!" and with that the two ran out of Patrick's house to fight the supervillains.

* * *

"Alright Dirty Bubble, now let's go rob the bank!" Man Ray said to the Dirty Bubble. They had just robbed the Krusty Krab, and stole the secret Krabby Patty formula.

"Now wait just a darn minute!" Plankton said, he was wearing his Robot Krabs suit from Season 2 Episode 6 (Imitation Krabs/Dying for pie).

"What do you want, Plankton!?" Man Ray yelled back.

"We had a deal Man _Weight_! You said if I broke you out of prison, you would

steal the formula; FOR ME!" Plankton recited.

"That is true... but guess what, _Sheldon_. I. crossed. my. **FINGERS**!" Man Ray yelled.

" _*Gasps*_ you wouldn't..."

"Oh, but yes. I would." but before they could argue any more, the door flew open. The three villains looked over to see Patrick Man and Spongebob, who was wearing his Fry Boy costume from Season 5 Episode 14 (Mermaid Man vs Spongebob).

"Neither of you are getting the formula." Fry Boy said.

"Wrong... E.V.I.L., ATTACK!" Man Ray ordered. And with that, every villain (is lemons) attacked. Fry Boy flipped a raw patty on his golden spatula before smacking it towards Jumbo Shrimp. The patty hit him in the face.

"EW! PATTY JUICE!" Jumbo Shrimp stumbled backwards, falling on a table and breaking it in half.

"Hey! You're gonna have to pay for that!" Mr Krabs shouted from behind.

"HUSH IT KRABS!" Plankton yelled. Patrick Man raised his arm, a pit punch flying out of his armpit and hitting Robot Mantis. Robot Mantis was launched backwards into the wall, bits and bolts flying out of him. Sinister Slug slithered towards Fry Boy, opening his mouth to eat him whole.

"No, I;m not edible! But these patties are!" Fry Boy said as he launched a bunch of Krabby Patties into the Sinister Slug's mouth.

"MRMFFF! MRMFFF!" Sinister cried as he choked on the patties, eventually blowing up. Sinister Slug's mouth and eyes landed on the floor next to each other as he said, "I'm getting outta here!" and they bounced away. The Atomic Flounder jumped in front of Fry Boy, his shoulder fist thing touching him. Suddenly, the same fist thing appeared on Fry Boy's shoulder as his eyes opened wide, as did his mouth. te fist shoulder thing began to speak,

"HAHAHAHA! Now I am in control of your idiot friend, Man-Patrick!"

"That's patrick-MAN to you!" Patrick man yelled as he jumped forward. Patrick Man and the now infected Fry Boy began to fight each other.

"You should give p Patrick-Man! You'll never win!"

"Check your facts fist-face!" Patrick Man yelled back as hi pit punched the shoulder fist thing, knocking it off of Fry Boy's shoulder.

Fry Boy returned to consciousness, "Huh, what-what happened?"

"It's a short story Fry Boy." Patrick Man replied.

"Uh, okay."

"Enough talking Fry Boy! We need to finish off E.V.I.L.!" and with that the two got up ready to fight again.

"I'm gonna mop the floor with you, Captain Tightwad!" Patrick Man shouted.

"And I'm gonna make you into money!" the two ran towards each other to fight. Captain tightwad threw a big coin at Patrick Man, knocking him back. "This was too easy!" Captain Tightwad threw another, knocking Patrick Man.

 **...**

"Uh, Patrick Man?" Fry Boy said, Patrick Man finally waking up.

"Huh?" Patrick Man got up to see all the villains being taken into police cars. "What the barnacles happened fry Boy?"

"Well, I beat the last of the villains singal-handedly." fry Boy bragged.

"Wow, really?" Patrick Man got up, "It seems this city doesn't need me anymore. I guess it's time to hang up the cape..." Patrick Man tilted his head down as he walked away, a tear running down his face.

"Wait! Patrick Man no! Of course we need you!" Fry Boy said, "Please do't give up being a superhero just because I'm way better than- I mean because you didn't beat the last of the villains!"

"There's nothing you can do about it Fry Boy..." Patrick Man took the ice cream cone mask off of his head, revealing Patrick's face.

Plankton watched from inside the police car. "So, Patrick is patrick-Man... I'll make sure I get my revenge..."

 **THE END!**


End file.
